1. They don’t all have big ‘problems.’: If you’re waiting for unchurched people to show up because their life is falling apart, you might wait a long time. Sure, there are always people in crisis who seek God out. But many are quite content with their lives without God. And some are quite happy and successful. If you only know how to speak into discontent and crisis, you will miss most of your neighbours.
2. They feel less guilty than you think. They don’t feel any more guilty about not being in church on Sunday than you feel guilty about not being in synagogue on Saturday. How many Saturdays do you feel badly about missing synagogue? That’s how many Sundays they feel badly about missing church.
3. Occasional is regular. When they start coming, they don’t always attend every week. Giving them easy, obvious and strategic steps to get connected is important. Disconnected people generally don’t stick. (I wrote more about the declining frequency of church attendance here.)
4. Most are spiritual. Most unchurched people believe in some kind of God. They’re surprised and offended if you think of them as atheists. As they should be.
5. They are not sure what “Christian” means. So you need to make that clear. You really can’t make any assumptions about what people understand about the Christian faith. Moving forward, clarity is paramount.
6. You can’t call them back to something they never knew. Old school ‘revival’ meant there was something to revive. Now that we are on the second to fifth generation of unchurched people, revival is less helpful to say the least. You can’t call them back to something they never knew.
7. Many have tried church, even a little, but left. We have a good chunk of people who have never ever been to church (60 percent of our growth is from people who self-identify as not regularly attending church), but a surprising number of people have tried church at some point — as a kid or young adult. Because it wasn’t a good experience, they left. Remember that.
8. Something is generous. Because even giving 10 percent of your income to anything is radically countercultural, the only paradigm of giving they have is a few dozen or hundred dollars to select charities. I hope every Christian learns to live a life of sacrifice and generosity, but telling them they are ungenerous is a poor way to start the conversation. They are probably already more generous than their friends.
9. They want you to be Christian. They want you to follow Jesus, authentically. Think about it, if you were going to convert to Buddhism, you would want to be an authentic Buddhist, not some watered down version. Andy Stanley is 100 percent right when he says you don’t alter the content of your services for unchurched people, but you should change the experience.
10. They’re intelligent, so speak to that. Don’t speak down to them. Just make it easy to get on the same page as people who have attended church for years by saying, “This passage is near the middle of the Bible.” You can be inclusive without being condescending.
11. They hate hypocrisy. Enough said.
12. They love transparency. When you share your weaknesses, everyone (including Christians) resonates.
13. They invite their friends if they like what they’re discovering. They will be your best inviters if they love what you’re doing.
14. Their spiritual growth trajectory varies dramatically. One size does not fit all. You need a flexible on ramp that allows people to hang in the shadows for a while as they make up their mind, and one that allows multiple jumping in points throughout the year.
15. Some want to be anonymous and some don’t. So make your church friendly to both. Also see the previous point. This is huge.